The Good Buddhist (revision 1)

Part I

“Yeah, it’s probably not very Buddhist of me…” said Lorelai, sighing with annoyance and frustration. She was not down with other people stabbing her friends in the back, calling them “douchebags” in any sort of public setting, and she always had this tendency of aggression which is why she excelled so well at water polo growing up. She was one mean stubborn little shit who had broken noses, ripped off other players’ suits, been thrown out of games, received countless technical fouls. She tried to meditate on the daily, be at peace, live with mindfulness – the good Buddhist – but some days, she just wanted to fuck a bitch up. Yeah, she wouldn’t even normally use the word “bitch” because she knew of its oppressive nature, but that’s how bad those urges would overcome her. They would take over her words and her demeanor while her head would start to swivel like a Mike Scoscia bobblehead.

“…but I wanna fuck that bitch up! Hell nah, she don fuck wit one of my brothas, she is going the fuck down! She dont know who she be messing wit! I used ta run around strapped, bitch betta fuckin recognize. We fuckin family, we don’t mess around. Don’t go around saying stupid shit like that. Where she fuckin live Robert?”

“Ah, Lor — as much as I’d like to see that, it’s probably not a good idea,” responded Jeremy.

“Dude, haha, I’d pay money,” said Robert. “And you should hear who she left me for…”

“Who?” Lorelai demanded as Jeremy whispered a name into her ear. “Aw fuck man, for real? Shiiiet.”

After thirty minutes of Lorelai plotting how to take her down, they decided to part ways with no actual plan. There were more important things to do than destroy such a divisive pretentious person who called herself a community leader… but then again…

Part II

It was night. A new moon was invisible in the black sky, and in a wet, dark alley east of Central and 75th, four people dragged a bulky awkward canvas bag towards the back of a van.

“Fuck, how many you have in here Lor?” asked Amilcar.

“Just three: the director, the perpetrator, and the accomplice. Couldn’t stand them. Supporters of the enemy. They just pressed my buttons on the wrong week with all their hypocrisy and two faced bullshit. They were all on my shit list. I was just going to go after Y, but I had a change of heart,” responded Lorelai.

“You know, people are going to notice when all three of them are missing,” said Jeremy.

“Well, if Lorelai gets locked up, we’ll just have to bust a Jonathan Jackson,” said Robert smiling as Amilcar nodded.

“And then I can go live in exile with Assata!” laughed Lorelai.

“Ah, no one is going to find out who did this. Not if they can’t find the bodies,” said Amilcar, looking very serious.

“Well, let’s get our asses south then. With all the violence and drug cartels, no one will ever know what really happened,” said Jeremy, “People are dying everyday down there.”

“Nice. Let’s go,” said Robert.

And to Mexico they went. To this day, they were never questioned about the disappearance of the three. Rumors spread about what happened, but no one ever even remotely suspected Lorelai. For she was known as the good Buddhist.